The importance of the marriage ceremony, not only for young couples, but also for the entire family becomes more evident as more and more young people from this refuse ceremony. The rituals that may seem unnecessary for young people, may be important signs separating stages, helping all participants to make the transition to the new way of their relationship. In most cultures, the ceremony accompanying the birth, puberty, marriage and death, are protected because they attach great importance to the stabilization of life.
Whatever may be the couple’s relationship during courtship prior to marriage, marriage ceremony unpredictable changes the nature of these relationships. For many couples, the “honeymoon” time and their life together before the children are full of charm. For others, the situation is different; they may have a stunning stress tearing the conjugal union or causing symptoms in individuals already at the very beginning.
Many marriages from the beginning come to the disorder because of their very purpose. If, for example, young people marry mainly to escape from his family, then as soon as they were married, it may be that disappeared very reason of their marriage. They are, however, escaped, but were in marriage, having no other purpose, and if the marriage is to continue, we must find another basis for it. The illusion of what marriage should be, often far from what he is really like.
Although the symbolic act of marriage is for everyone the particular importance, is first and foremost an agreement linking young people to each other for life. At a time when divorce is so easy, you can get married with reservations, considering it as a test connection. But since this agreement, young people discover that react to each other in a new way. Sometimes they feel trapped in the trap and start to play the indignation, quarreling among themselves over the authority; or they believe that they are free to “be themselves” and behave in unexpected ways with respect to spouses. Marriage relieves them of mutual restraint, this approximation to unbounded proximity may be desirable, but it can also be scary. Many conservative young people are still delaying sexual relations before marriage, and different ideas about this adventure, as well as the associated exaggerated expectations can cause frustration and confusion.
When the young couple start a life together, they need to develop a number of agreements necessary for any couple living in intimate connection. They must agree on a way to deal with parent families, with their peers, the practical aspects of living together, and all the minor and major differences between them as that between two individuals. They should allow, explicitly or implicitly, a great many questions that can not always be foreseen before marriage: who will decide where they will live; what will be the influence of his wife on the career of her husband; whether each of them is allowed to judge other friends; whether the wife worked, or stay at home; and hundreds of other issues – even such trivial at first glance, as, for example, anyone who will choose clothes. Their information on the status and real-world experience – are two different kinds of knowledge.
With the establishment of new relationships with each other, young couple must also develop ways to settle differences. In this early period, they often avoid public controversy and criticism due to the benevolent atmosphere of a new marriage, and fear to hurt each other’s feelings. But over time, the area differences, that they avoid becoming wider all the time and they are on the verge of a quarrel, wonderfully irritating each other. Sometimes the issues are not to be discussed, are embedded in the marriage. Most often it happens that one of the spouses does not get turned on very important question at issue, the second repays in kind, and there is an open struggle, which are located on the surface of the items previously mentioned only indirectly. Often this struggle scares the spouses because the causes unexpected emotion, and they swear never to quarrel. But gradually the non-negotiable issues accumulate again until there is another flash and another battle. In the process, they develop ways of resolving disputes and settling various affairs. Sometimes these solutions are unsatisfactory, leading to growing discontent, manifested at a later stage of marriage. For example, the couple discover that contradiction can be resolved only in this way that one partner gives the other more than thinks is right. In this early period of husbands and wives learn to manipulate the weakness and disease, as well as learn to take advantage of the power.
Decisions Suite influences not only what they learned in their families, but also the current relationship linking them to their parents, who are an inevitable aspect of marriage. Individually, young people need to make the transition from dependence to independence of the former from the parents and as adults have to treat them differently.
Decisions made by the bride and groom, not easy to separate from parental influence. For example, the views of parents’ influence on the position of the wife – it will work or not – and the choice of the place of residence of a young couple. Young people need to secure their territory, to some extent independent of the influence of their parents, and parents, in turn, should change his views on the treatment of children after their marriage. Excessive benevolent assistance may be just as harmful to young people as non-constructive criticism. If parents continue to provide financial support for the newlyweds, they thereby implicitly bargain for themselves the right to dictate to them instead of supporting one or another way of life. When giving money, it can be both useful and harmful, and thus raises questions: whether it is necessary to give them in the form of cash or in the form of gifts, give them to her husband, or wife, or both together? Are Giving money without reservations or implicit criticism that this should not be necessary? Due to the intervention of a parent to a new family can be made a split, and often without any understanding of what bad feelings occur. If a young family come into conflict with the family, it can lead to symptoms. For example, a wife whose husband is not able to prevent the invasion of his mother in the family business, can begin the symptoms: for it is one of the ways to cope with this situation.
Some couples try to make its territory a completely independent, cut himself off from all his relatives. Usually this does not lead to success and can undermine a marriage, because marriage Art assumes achievement of independence, while maintaining an emotional connection with their relatives.